"Your call is important to us!" Part 1

Is it really?

Is it so important to you that you have no problem keeping me on hold for eternity and then moments before I'm about to hang up from phone cradle fatigue, your voice pipes up, "Hi, my name's Loretta. How can I help you?" (I pause) Is this a human being or digitally composed android? "Um, I need to cancel my account." (Loretta pauses) "I'm sorry, I didn't understand. Can you repeat that?" (I do repeat that. Three. Excruciating. Times.) Finally the phone line sqwaks and I hear some unidentifiable distant music." Many eons later . . . "Thank you for calling. Your call is important to us." Um, yes, you told me. "I'm now going to tell you our menu options . . . " Okay, sister, let's get a move on. "To change the status of your account, press 1." To change your account address, press 2." To troubleshoot, press 3." It could be 1 or 3, but 2 is unlikely. I go for 1 and am sent to another digital android. This one coughed continually. I asked if everything was okay and that just resulted in more coughing. Finally, I was transferred to someone else who's title sound suspicially like, "Head Franken Squirrel." Well, if the squirrel can cancel my account then he's okay by me. "Yes, hello, how can I help you?" "Yes, I'd like to cancel my account." "Yes, hello, how can I help you?" Either he has an attention deficit disorder or he's in denial or he's messing with me. Long pause. Is he trying to make me uncomfortable? His voice changes. Less squirrel. More badger. I'm no longer someone who needs special treatment . . . The background music stops. To be continued . . .